Your Winter
by ess3sandra
Summary: Logan loves Rory, but will she let herself fall yet again?
1. Chapter 1

Your Winter

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or the song by Sister Hazel, but I do own myself.

Rory had just unpacked the last box. She had moved in with Paris and Doyle. Why did I do that again she thought to herself. Right, I couldn't find a roommate because nobody starts in the middle of the term. But living with Doyle is better. Thousand times better then Emily! Suddenly the doorbell rang.

"One moment" she yelled.

She opened the door, only to find nobody there. An envelope lied in front of the doorstep. Lorelai Leigh Gilmore it said. Curious, she lifted the envelope and closed the door. From whom was it? A Gilmore never turned down a surprise. She closed the door and went back to the living room. She curiously opened the envelope as she sat down on the couch. A CD, huh? A note fell down on the floor.

_Ace, _

_Just listen to the song and I hope you will understand why I acted like an as hole. _

_And then, I really hope that maybe you can hear me out. _

_/Logan _

Her breath couth in her trout as she read the note, Logan was all she could think.

A key razzled in the keyhole and a moment after that Paris came in.

"What's that" was the first thing she said.

Rory just passed the note to her.

Paris read the note and a angry expression grew upon her face.

"Logan, I swear to God I will kill that prick. I mean, how could he say those things to you and then his SISTER told you that you guys broke up. He's a dick." Paris was almost screaming by now.

"Paris, save it". Rory started to cry. "I love him".

"wha.." but Rory spoke before Paris could continue.

"Or at least I did" she said with a raspy voice. She throw the note in the trash but when she was about to throw the CD she couldn't. Rory abruptly turned around and walked towards her bedroom.

"Rory, you know I only want what's best for you."

"Not now Paris" was the reply as she closed the door.

She threw herself on the bed, soundlessly weeping. It hurt too much, even the smallest thought of him made her want to throw something or weep her self to death. Why did he have so much affect on her. Why?

Logan she thought. How many times haven't I cursed you're name these last days? How many tears haven't I wept in the nights when Paris and Doyle had long gone been asleep? She couldn't count the times her heart had aced of the thought of him, Logan. She had pulled her self together; I have a job at the Hartford Gazette, I came back at Yale, I have a place to live at. But most important, she had made peace with her mother. But her love life was in a mess. And just when she thought she could begin from scratch he sent her a CD. It really was _In Ominous Paratus_, with Logan. You really didn't know what to aspect. Her tears had stopped as her thoughts had tormented her true her minds rant. Or was there no more tears because she had wept all there were to weep? She actually could not tell.

Her gaze fell upon the CD. Might as well get it over with, she thought. As she took out the CD of its folder somebody knocked at the door.

"I get it" Paris screamed.

She placed the CD in the recorder, as she heard Paris scream

"You can't walk in there you've already done enough damage".

There was only one song on the CD, odd she thought.

She fell back on her bed and hugged her pillow not knowing what to expect when the song started.

_Grey ceiling on the earth _

But the rest was drowned by the loud knock on her door and then a loud bang as the door burst open. Rory looked up, startled. Her voice stocked in her troth when she saw who it was.

"Logan", she whispered.

"Out Huntzberger, she doesn't want you here" barked Paris in the back ground.

"Rory, I can't wait, I need to talk to you now, I know what I wrote on the note but I don't want to be a covered and let a song tell you how I feel. I will fight for you myself. I can't hide no more. I don't want to either."

She just looked at him amazed. He was here. My God he was good lucking. He was dressed in black from head to toe; a few buttons were left opened reviling a muscular chest and black slacks reviled long strong legs. But there was a haunted look in his eyes and dark marks under his eyes. She could tell that he hasn't slept good, or much.

"Log..."

"I thought I could wait but I need to tell you now how sorry I am." Logan blurted out.

"Wait a minute; you can't expect her to hear you out after all you have done. I had to do the damage control. Not you, the punk that caused it" Paris roared to Logan.

"Please Paris, leave us" Rory spoke out in a soft whisper.

Paris was about to object but stopped when she once again saw the tears in Rory's eyes.

"Rory just say the word and he will be out of your life and this apartment before a blink of an eye."

"Thanks Paris but I will be alright" Rory looked thankfully at Paris. Yeah right, he will crush me once again.

"I'm going out for a walk, don't be here when I get back Huntzberger" Paris said as she left the room. But both Rory and Logan had already forgotten all about her.

"Hear me out" that's all I ask. He said almost pleading.

Rory said nothing. To startled to think.

He went to the record player and started the song once again.

_Grey ceiling on the earth  
Well its lasted for a while  
Take my thoughts for what they're worth  
I've been acting like a child   
Your opinion what is that  
It's just a different point of view._

"I haven't stopped thinking of you since that day when I stormed out of dinner after Jess left. Everything was grey, thanksgiving was terrible, all I could think of was you and how I screwed up. I didn't mean to say that we broke up to Honour. These weeks have been the worst in my life. When I sank the yat, and all the times my father scolded me for not being good enough is nothing compared to what I have feelt since I left you that day." Logan took a deep breath.

"Logan listen" Rory began as she sat up on her bed hugging the pillow even tighter.

"No, you listen. I need to tell you how I feel; I need to express my feelings because if I don't do it now I will never manage to face you again. So please just hear me out."

Tears were once again spilling out of her eyes, when Logan made a move to touch her she pulled back is if he was carrying the plague. He drew his hand back as if she slapped him.

If he touches me I will be forlorn. I will never see the real Logan and he will never express his true felling to me. I don't now if he is worth to let him see me this week. I can't put my heart on the line once again she thought but a part of me still loves him, another part of her mind battled. Okey, I won't talk, at least not now because it hurts too much. She was silent.

Logan watched her with a pained expression. But when she remained silent his determination crept back.

"I acted childish; I hurt your feelings because what you said about me and how I act. It crept under my skin. I shouldn't have let you down."

_What else what else can I do  
I said I'm sorry  
I said I'm sorry, ooo  
I said I'm sorry but what for if I hurt you, then I'd hate myself  
I don't want to hate my self  
Don't want to hurt you   
_  
Logan fell down on his knees, tears gathered in his eyes. He needed to show her that he was sincere. That he meant business.

"Rory, I am sorry. So sorry and I hate myself for it. That it was I who caused it. That I made you more upset then when my father said that you weren't good enough to write. And to do that!" His voice was now thick of pain. "I have become my father with my childish act. I cause you so much pain by being the jerk my father is."

Her gaze fell upon his. Rory couldn't look away, her eyes was trapped in his. Both wept silently. None looked away. It was Logan who broke the contact. He rose from the floor and stroked away his tears from his eyes with an angry move with his hand.

_Why do you choose your pain  
If you only knew  
How much I love you   
Love you  
_

"Why are you angry at me? Tell me and I will change. I will stop partying and drinking. Hell I will even write for the Yale Daily News as often as I may for the editor".

I can't let him rant like this she thought. His going to promise thinks he can't keep. He will be another man, a man that I don't love. Wait, did I just say love. Do I still love him, after his behaviour? Deep down she knew she did but she pushed the feelings away and spoke.

"Logan you can't change the one you are. You want be the Logan I chose to be with, the Logan I Loved. "

"Wait a minute did you say loved?"

"Logan, after all that has happened I don't now how I feel any longer."

"Rory, those feelings can't just go away. I know you."

"Know me, you hurt me. You acted just as the snob my mother has warned me about." She rose her voice at the last words. Man why did he make her show so much emotions she thought.

"Holy Anna Karenina, just hear me out." Logan almost shouted.

"What Logan, you can't just break my door and say forgive me and expect everything to be alright."

"God damn it. I love you."

_I wont be your winter  
And I wont be anyone's excuse to cry  
We can be forgiven  
And I will be here again  
_

Rory looked up startled.

"You now I have said to you that I have expressed it a lot without meaning it to other girls, I explained that to you when you said you loved me. But I am not trying to fool you. I mean every word. I truly love you."

"Logan, it's too late."

"It will never be too late. Please forgive me. I will be here. I will come to you again and again. I need you. And I hope that you need me to."

She didn't understand the words that came out of her former boyfriend mouth. She had stopped to listen when he declared his love to her. Who are you she thought.

"Rory did you hear me?"

"I…" she didn't now what to say.

"Please Rory, say something."

"Logan you can't just say something like that and expect me to answer you."

"Rory my love I don't, you don't have to, I'm sorry. I think I will be saying that a lot. "

"What?" She asked with a harsh voice.

"That I'm sorry and that I love you." He answered silently. "Rory I am hear for you. I won't leave you."

She rose silently and launched herself in his arms. The surprise and the relief were almost laughable but for the moment she didn't care. She needed to be hold.

"Just hold me" she whispered silently.

"I will, I am here for you." He whispered in her ear.

She said nothing. She knew she needed to talk with him. And that he still had plenty to say to her. But for the moment she didn't care. She knew he loved her. She didn't know if it could heal the wounds that he caused but for now she just needed to be held. And it was exactly what he did. He said nothing even if he just had stripped his feelings for her and given away his heart to her with no response except for a hold me. And for that she was thankful, he didn't ask, he just held her tight.

She hugged him as there was no tomorrow. She hung onto him with her life.

(A/N: to be continued)


	2. Please forgive me

I AM SO SORRY. More then six months. But I really hope this makes up for the waiting. Please forgive me, and thank you for the reviews.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a rusty car, and it doesn't even work…

**Chapter two**, please forgive me.

All kinds of emotions where running true Rory's mind. Why he was here, did she really want to forgive him, was she going to? Would it be the same as before? But she couldn't come to any conclusion because of the feeling of Logan's arms around her. God, she had missed him so much. She felt like the only girl in the universe when he was around, and now holding her, she felt like she was in paradise. But every paradise has a snake, and her mind was yet again taking the control over her. Could you really blame her, she knew what would happen if she opened up her heart for him again. When she had done it he had crushed her. They where "broken up". As well, it happened with Dean and Jess. They too broke her heart. She really loved him, but was it worth it? Because she didn't know if she could actually forgive him.

Meantime Logan was holding her as tight as she was holding him. He was so glad he could finally embrace her. He knew he loved her but she just didn't understand how much she actually meant! Yes he screwed up, he almost winched at the thought, Logan Huntzberger always the man who never regretted a thing, never said he was sorry was begging for his dear life. Well wasn't that just hilarious, not. Logan was thinking of ways to make her forgive him. The cd was just the beginning, a trip to New York, flowers, no not flowers but fries, tons of fries and coffee, everyday for a year. That moment he swore to himself that if she forgave him, no when she did it. Logan never stopped when it was hard. He would buy all Rory's coffee for a year. His thoughts were stopped by Rory's words.

"Logan, Logan you're hurting me" Rory almost whispered.

"What, oo sorry" he said sheepishly and took a step back. He had been holding her to hard.

Rory took a step back and starting to fiddle with the hem of her shirt. She didn't know where to look. She couldn't look at him. She had seen the emotions in his eyes. Love. And it scared her to death. Instead she looked at the door.

"You broke my door" it wasn't a question. Rory said almost amazed. Then her anger took a grip of her mind. "What where you thinking, you you jerk" Rory was almost steaming. Always better to mask your fear and get angry, attack.

Logan did look slightly sheepishly. "Well you see, Ace" Logan started but Rory went on. Attack again her mind rambled. "Don't you Ace me, Ace was gone the moment you told your sister we where BROKEN UP". This time Logan truly winched. He felt like Rory had hit her. But she had, emotionally, in his heart. But he wasn't going to let her win. Never, a true Huntzberger never gave up. "Rory."

She stopped and looked at him. "What?" she snapped, as tears where staring to appear in her eyes. Logan saw it. In that moment he hated himself. He needed to reach her before Paris would burst in. He had seen that girl in the newsroom, she was everywhere. He needed to do something and fast. "I am sorry. I got scarred. You hit a nerve and I started to attack you instead then telling you that you were right. You were right about everything, but I want to change. You have changed me without even noticing it. Before I couldn't even commit but I did. To you, and I love, loved every minute of it. I want it back, I want you back."

Now Rory was really crying. She hated that she knew he meant it. She hated that it was already too late. Logan was suddenly advancing on her. He could see her tears and she knew if he held her now she would forgive him. She wasn't ready, her heart needed too heal.

"No"

One word and he stopped his walk towards her. "Logan, you need to understand. I gave you my heart, my trust and you threw it away. You knew how hard this year has been too me, quitting school, loosing my mom. She started to sob. I can't do this right now." She turned her back at him.

That moment a dragon like Paris was bursting into the room. "I swear to God Logan if you don't leave now I will help you, and I know marshal art." Logan almost laughed at the thought but the seriousness held the laugh back. He sent one last sad look. "I will be back, I will give you space but I wont back done. I love you to much and I won't lose you again." He reached his hand out as is he wanted to stroke her arm but a glaring Paris made him take his arm back. Once out of the apartment he let a single tear escape. Angry he stroke it away. He took out his cell calling a familiar number. "Finn, meet me at the Pub."

He needed to grieve before he started the war of wining his Ace heart back.

Back in the apartment Rory was crying her heart out. She was so sad. About him, about her mother. She couldn't do it. Paris was trying to comfort her but nothing was working. Paris was not the cosy person but Rory really appreciated it. The afternoon light was fading and night was coming. Now Rory was only sobbing silent. "Hey, let's watch a movie" Paris said silently. "Don't you have something to do with the paper, you don't have to keep me company, I am fine" Rory stated. "You can lie all you want Gilmore. You are my best friend and I will not let you be on your own right now. Only if it is to preventing you to do something stupid." She went to order food for wallowing, which was the only thing she could actually do. Pizza and tons of candy as well as Ben and Jerrys. When Paris was gone Rory changed to her favourite pyjamas. It was one with little owls on it. Logan had given it to her because of her love of reading. What she screamed in her mind. You can't wear that. She quickly changed and slipped on her pink slippers. At least these weren't from him!

When the food arrived the girls were Casablanca already in the DVD player and both of them had tissues ready if crying were needed. At least she had a friend who wouldn't abandon her.

**GGG**

"Finn, give it back!" Logan was getting pissed in his drunken haze. They were all sitting in the couch at Logan's place.

"Well Colin, what do you think? Our dear Logan has been drinking how much scotch?"

"A dear Finn, I think I started to count when we passed 7" Colin answered.

"This is none of your fucking b" Logan started but was cut of by a slightly angry Finn.

"Logan mate, we are your best friends. We will drink with you, but we won't let you make a fool out of yourself by calling Rory when you are this plastered. You have already done enough today, you yourself said to her you would back of a bit. And calling her drunk is not a good idea! For your own sake don't."

But during Finns little speech Logan had already passed out. Dreaming of a blue eyed angel.


End file.
